Diary of a snarky queer woman: deviance

Thursday, February 23, 2012

She's just a SLUT

Because this is only the tip of the degrading iceburg.

(Sorry for the wonky font, if anyone knows how to get fix this, please let me know. I'm Blogger challenged.)

Slutwalk 2011 was the first time I'd ever heard of anyone reclaiming the word "slut" formally. I'd heard it said amongst my friends in high school as a term of endearment, but also as a put down for anyone who was generally disliked. According to dictionary.com, a slut is a dirty, slovenly prostitute. According to etymonline, the definition is similar, but there's a small note that the term was used affectionately for a brief period. Despite a small amount of positivity, this word has been around since the late 14th century, and has since been used as a tool for shaming sexuality and degrading women. Until last year. July 31, 2011 Portland hosted its first annual Slutwalk. This was part of an effort started in Canada in response to a police officer's statement, "women should avoid dressing like sluts in order to not be victimized." Supporters, activists, guest speakers, sex workers, and performers of all ages gathered together to protest both victim blaming and sexual violence, some dressed provocatively, in the imitation of the picture "slut" brought to mind. And the message was wonderful, inspiring, educational, and unfortunately, not widespread enough. Today, February 22nd, 2012, slut is still an ugly word.

Mean girls are mean...

My mother would use the word "crude" to describe the way "slut" rolls off the tongue. "Slut" is synonymous with promiscuity. The number one definition on urbandictionary.com, a popular slang dictionary site, is "A woman with the morals of a man." The second definition describes a woman who will sleep with anyone, no matter how unattractive or pathetic, "she just has to {have sex with} everyone she knows." The author of the definition praises "sluts" as though they prevent more sex crimes from happening by being willing to have sex with anyone, suggesting that sluts are women who cannot be raped. Only on the third definition is it suggested that a slut is merely a sexually promiscuous person, though usually a woman. Looking at these definitions, it is clear that to thousands of people who voted positively for the definition a "slut" is decidedly female, though she is engaging in or thought to be engaging in behavior that as a society we encourage in men. There is no word you can call a man the has the same connotation, the same bad taste. Calling a man a slut is insulting his masculinity, which is why so often we seen "man slut" as a joke, or something associated with feminine or queer men. One of my friends continually states he does not like to be grouped with Portland gay men because, "Portland gays are sluts, and I'm just not… I'm too androgynous." Even within deviant groups, we pick each other apart.

Every man is not a master key, let me throw that out there.

In "What's Up, Slut?" by Marueen Dowd, the New York Times columnist explores the word briefly, calling it a word that was once a "summary judgement that a woman is damaged goods" but has become a slang employed by teenage girls and young women who are latching on to a fad. And from that, there's stemmed the movement to take back the word as a joke among friends. But what is the joke? I've been told a joke is only funny because it either ridiculous, or it's true. Applying that logic, it's funny to call a girlfriend a slut because she either would never have promiscuous sex, or because she's comfortable with her sexuality with or without promiscuity and that makes her friends uncomfortable so they tease her about it. "Social groups create deviance by making rules whose infraction constitutes deviance" according to Becker's Labeling theory (p39). In our society, labeling women as sluts has been our way of keeping women in line and making examples of women who have broken these rules by exploring their sexulaity in the same fashion that is encouraged in men. In "A few words about reclaiming Slut"author "Chloe" writes for feministing that women have been trying to reclaim the word "slut" since the Riot Grrrl movement involving Bikini Kill's Kathleen Hanna scrawling the word across her bare stomach to make a statement. The battle to take the sting out of the word that has been on the forefront of the new movement that is "Slutwalk" is not, in fact, new. Slutwalk Seattle responded that slut should be able to be used as a "sex-positive term" that would empower self-proclaimed sluts of any gender identity. Unfortunately, the problem with the word is not with "self-proclaimed sluts" it lies with those who choose to label others, and continue to bring others down with its use. Until we can rid the word "slut" of the connotation of a deviant woman, a woman who should be ostracized and ashamed of herself.

On an episode of the popular comedy/sitcom, Scrubs, the main female doctor has a one night stand, and walks the halls realizing everyone knows and is talking about her sexual experience. The rumors get outrageous. Her friends even join in the teasing and gossiping. After being understandably devastated, the character finds power in her "label" because people see her as knowledgeable about sex, and are paying attention to her where she previously felt invisible. Her friends apologize for not standing up for her, and she responds with a new attitude. "I'm not sure. I mean, I was mad at you at first, but it's actually kind of empowering, you know, to have this...persona -- this identity. I mean, I'm not just some, you know, nameless, faceless white doctor -- I'm Elliot Reid: Tramp"

As a woman in a workplace that has been dominated by men for so long, it takes a lot to stand out for being anything other than a token hire. As we've discussed in class, most members of deviant groups have to work twice as hard to prove they are just as capable as the normative heterosexual white male employee. While it's admirable that a person can turn something so ugly and negative into a seemingly positive label or view, the situation points to the bigger issue. On February 23rd, we discussed the ideal of masculinity, and as Professor Williams said, loosely paraphrased, when we are telling people to "man up", we are also devaluing women and femininity. As people greet each other with, "Hey slut!" I believe we are devaluing sexuality, women, sexual experiences and there's little respect left for the person being greeted.

The reality hurts. A lot.

I am embarrassed as a human being hearing anyone use that word, though I am more embarrassed for the person using it. It angers me in my identity as a woman, especially to hear another woman use the word so carelessly. Just as the word "cunt" was originally a word meaning "sheath for a sword", "slut" was associated with another word: mud. And in the hundreds of years these words have been in use, the majority of their time has been spend degrading women. "Slut" is a word I think should be stripped of its ugliness, and left to wither away into a word that will no longer be used. I think Slutwalk is a fantastic idea, in it's message and practice, but I don't want to reclaim such a vile word and use it as my own. I don't want it to be ok to degrade women because of my identity as a woman. Words may be only as powerful as the power we give their meaning, but I think this is one of the many words that there's no loss in taking out of our mouths.

Think about it. Please.

Word count: 1290

Becker, Howard S. Thio, A., T. Calhoun, and A. Conyers. Readings in deviant behavior. 6th. Boston, MA: Allyn & Bacon, 2010. Page 39, Print.
CHLOE. "A Few Words about Reclaiming "slut"" Feministing. 16 May 2011. Web. 27 Feb. 2012. <http://feministing.com/2011/05/16/a-few-words-about-reclaiming-“slut”/>
Dowd, Maureen. "What's Up, Slut?" The New York Times. The New York Times, 15 July 2006. Web. 23 Feb. 2012. <http://www.nytimes.com/2006/07/15/opinion/15dowd.html>.
Harper, Douglas. "Online Etymology Dictionary." Online Etymology Dictionary. Douglas Harper. Web. 27 Feb. 2012. <http://www.etymonline.com/index.php?allowed_in_frame=0>.
Muscio, Inga. Cunt: A Declaration of Independence. 1st ed. Seattle: Seal, 1998. Print
"Portland Events, Music, Art, Entertainment, Sustainability | PDXPIPELINE.com." July 31: Slutwalk Portland. Web. 22 Feb. 2012. <http://www.pdxpipeline.com/monthly-event-list/slutwalk-portland/>
"Slut." Dictionary.com. Dictionary.com. Web. 23 Feb. 2012. <http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/slut>.

"Urban Dictionary: Slut." Urban Dictionary. Urban Dictionary. Web. 23 Feb. 2012. <http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=slut>

Credits:
A few words about reclaiming Slut
Class Notes (2.23.11)
Cunt: A Declaration of Independence (I love this book, it taught me a lot, personally)
Dictionary
Etymonline
Portland Slutwalk 2011

Urban Dictionary
What's Up, Slut?

Photos:

Chill Out Slut (Originally from Bluntcard.com, the second link)
Your boobs are hanging out
Enlightenment
Scrubs Screen Shots: My New Coat
Have you ever looked at yourself
DC Slutwalk 2011 Photo

Friday, February 3, 2012

An Approachable Deviant

The last two years of high school were probably the most memorable, and the most life changing out of the four years I attended a small high school north of Vancouver. I had just discovered a love of punk music and culture, was figuring out my orientation, and I'd stopped being shy and become outgoing and relatively popular in my small high school (graduating class of 33). It was a conservative school, and most people there identified as white, christian or mormon, and straight.

They were pretty much these folks, but more conservative.

I came out towards the end of high school, but can still remember my reputation with part of the school was as a lesbian drug dealer. Even if I was popular and had friends, that label stuck. Despite never having attended a stereotypical high school party, I was labeled a deviant, a party girl, a bad influence, or at the very least, troubled. Labeling Theory, according to Becker, explores theory that a person who falls outside a society's agreed upon ideas of how a person should behave is labeled as deviant.

More my crowd.

I clearly fell outside my society's expectations, and thus, was a deviant. And much like Becker states in his definition of Labeling Theory, "Treating a person as though he were generally rather than specifically deviant creates a self fulfilling prophecy." (p.41) I made new friends outside of school, who were into partying, and were more than willing to enable me to join them, though I was underage. I found people who identified themselves as a deviant, similar to what I had been identified as. Differential Association Theory, which per Sutherland and Cressey, in short, is defined as criminal behavior being influenced by associating oneself with other criminals, also cemented my status as a deviant. To clarify, I am responsible for my own actions, and the poor choices I made throughout my senior year and the summer following, but when the last month of school rolled in, I was dangerously close to not graduating, and had an out of control social life.

So am I a good example of how Labeling Theory and Differential Association Theory work? Would Reintegrative Shaming Theory eventually save me? According to Braithwaite's Shaming Theory, Reintegrative shaming means "expressions of community disapproval… followed by gestures of re-acceptance into the community of law-abiding citizens." In my personal experience, embracing my deviant status (sexuality and appearance), but correcting my poor behavior and possibly illegal behavior did improve my life. Upon learning I was a college student with a full time course load and a full time job, people were more willing to smile at me and look past my nose ring and loud taste in music. Exhibiting some non-deviant behavior with my deviant appearance perhaps has made me a less threatening deviant. Today, I may have pink hair, tattoos, and be out of the closet, but I'm also married, working on a Bachelor's degree, and I no longer wear copious amounts of hot pink eyeshadow.

I've learned about moderation, finally. Mostly.

While I may have modified my beauty routine, I still very much love make up and other stereotypically feminine beauty routines. However, I have noticed that people will treat me differently based on how my make up is done, if it is done at all. The less effort I put into my appearance as a woman, the less positive attention I receive. People at the Nordstrom counters will not fawn over me if I come in wearing my sweats and no make up. However, if I show up completely made up and neatly dressed, I receive all the service I could want. Appearance does matter. So for my small act of deviance, I chose to apply all of my make up in public, and see how people reacted.

Spoiler: It went like this, followed closely by disgust or laughter.

I stationed myself in the bathroom of the mall, with all of the products I planned on using in my big make-up bag.

A couple of teenage girls who wandered in stared and giggled behind their hands at me while I was putting on my concealer and foundation.

Most of the moms with kids really didn't seem to notice or care what I was doing. They were busy with their kids, and when one little girl did ask what I was doing, her mother seemed content to just say I was putting on my make up and went on with her day. No issue.

An older woman shook her head in disgust as I was putting on my eye makeup and huffed her way out of the bathroom. I'm not sure why she was so disgusted with me putting myself together in public. Unfortunately, I don't wake up every morning looking like I do by the time I arrive at my destination. I'm confident no other person who wears makeup and styles their hair using hair spray wakes up looking that way either. However, it genuinely seemed to bother her that I was putting myself together in public.

That face.

I've learned it's ok to touch up your lipstick in a public bathroom, but not showing up ready to go earns snickering, stares, and huffy attitudes. I didn't get in anyone's way, I wasn't hogging a sink. My actions affected virtually no one, but it definitely was uncomfortable to wonder how people would react to me and if anyone was going to outright chastise me for my behavior. I'm used to people making comments about my hair and piercings, about my sexuality, about my gender. I feel like I know how to react and handle responses to my every day deviance. However, it made me feel very vulnerable to even think of trying a deviant act I didn't know how to defend or respond to. I didn't know how I would explain why I wasn't putting on my makeup at home; I didn't know if I would lie, or expose my homework project. While I ultimately was not asked to explain my actions, I knew upon performing the experiment all I wanted to say to the women I encountered was, "Why does it matter where I put on my makeup? It's not like I'm fooling anyone, no one has naturally glittery eyelids. Why do you care?"