Is there a cover?

            Going to a gay bar is like going to another country, compared with going to a straight bar. In checking out heteronormative systems, I’ve decided to look at the clubs of Portland to see what kinds of differences exist, and how they relate to heteronormative culture. In my 20's, all my friends are supposed to like to drink, so there's no shortage of bar experiences tinged with heteronormativity to sift through. 

Heterocommon?

            Walking into the club with straight Josh is different than walking into the bar with an openly queer friend. When Josh and I go to the club (read: almost never) he automatically gets money off of HIS cover charge. I don’t get a cover charge either way. The bouncer assured me it’s because they like to fill the club with “girls” and “men” will come pay to try to score with the ladies. Josh gets money off because he brought me there… even though they didn’t see who drove (him) or got directions (me) or who accidentally swiped the debit card twice and paid for double parking, again. He brought me there because HE brought me there. Heterosexuality at it’s classiest. My male friend Chris, who  clarified he does not date women, asked if he still had to pay a cover. He did.

You can talk about this one.

Stumbling into the nearest gay bar with Aaron is a totally different experience. 

            No one charges us to go into the gay bar, not even because we could pass as a hetero couple. I like to think it’s because this bar is just infinitely cooler. In the queer community, no one could charge the “opposite” sex or only half of the “standard” relationship, because there is no “opposite” or “standard”. The queer community has enough options that it’s either charge everyone, or charge no one. We like the “charge no one” part of it, and commence the evening. It’s interesting to go somewhere where heterosexual norms don’t apply, and it becomes more and more obvious where the differences are. There's no assumption anyone is there looking for any one type of person. Liberation!

It's a slippery slope to unfortunate photographic evidence.

            Going to the ladies room in a straight bar is a fool’s game. Inevitably, there’s a drunk woman throwing up, with five of her closest drunk friends, and they’re all in front of the sinks, stalls, and mirrors plotting which bar to go to next. Every time I go into a straight bar women’s room, I make a new friend and get invited to the next crawl. This isn’t because I’m that cool, it’s because I am trapped in the bathroom waiting so long that I’m forced to assimilate. By the time I get out of the bathroom, my friends have typically migrated from wherever I am confident I have left them. I can't imagine how much more of a pain in the ass this could be if I didn't have able-bodied privilege. 

            Going to the ladies room in a gay bar is everything going to the men’s room of a straight bar is. It’s quick, easy, and there’s not always an out the door line. If anything, the men’s room in the gay bar is more crowded, probably because there are more men on location than for any other reason. I think gender-neutral bathrooms would benefit us all in both bars, and I could continue to use my system of going to whichever one doesn’t have a line. There isn't a fear of assault in the gender neutral bathroom of a gay bar the way there seems to be in every heteronormative structure in the area. 

There are lots of bodies, and they all want to spend as little time in a sticky bathroom as possible. 

       Walking back to my car, alone, forces me to check out my own heteronormative assumptions. On the street where all the gay bars are concentrated, I'm not worried about who I walk next to. The next street over in China Town, I quicken my pace. I know statistically nothing will happen to me. But I still jog to my jeep. The bouncer at the bar next to my vehicle starts to hit on me as I'm trying to find my keys, and asks what bar I've just come from. When I tell him a gay bar, he turns bright red and wishes me a safe drive. Heteronormativity is everywhere, whether we realize it, or not.

Credits:

Heteronormative

GayBar
Tara Reid

Gender Neutral

Books and Toys

            My mother was always one for reading when I was a child. I used to spend hours reading to myself or my youngest brother, who much to his dismay did not possess my unholy talent for reading The Very Hungry Caterpillar. I had a lot of favorites, but one that sticks out is the 1985 book Jillian Jiggs. I know my mother’s intentions in giving me that book were to trick me into cleaning my room. The story of this little girl is essentially that she constantly goes from activity to activity, without cleaning up after herself. As the oldest child, I think my mother thought that my brothers would follow my shining example (inspired by the book), if only I would opt to lead as a shining example instead of as a chameleon on crack. But I digress. Jillian Jiggs tells a story of a little girl who doesn’t seem to gender conform (she dresses up as a robot, a witch, a tree, a wild monster, etc) but her mother does fill the gender role of being the parent who stays home and disciplines/cleans up after the children.  Surrounded by my Star Wars action figures, I would read Jillian Jiggs, and concoct a new assortment of adventures and messes for my brothers and I to make. The power of the written word!

These may as well be in the photo album for my childhood. They only need more batman and glitter.

          My Star Wars toys were held in a far higher regard than my Barbies, but Barbie came with far more accessories that could be turned into the interior of the rebel base (complete with pink kitchen and hot tub), or stockpiled as supplies against the Empire, so I played with both. I know Star Wars wouldn’t pass the Bechdel test, but those action figures remain my favorite, even above my batman toys. It was cool, to my brothers, that a girl could play with “boy” toys… I don’t know what magic barrier there was, but I took pride in that sense of doing something that most girls wouldn’t do. As I looked for specifically gender non-conforming books, I remembered a year or two ago seeing one called My Princess Boy, a book a mother wrote for her son, who loves to wear dresses and princess style attire. Cheryl Kilodavis tells the story of her child differences in a society that puts a huge amount of pressure on gender conformity. The majority of the ratings on Amazon for the book are positive, with only 3 of 34 giving any negative feedback, two lamenting it wasn’t a good enough children’s storyline, and one complaining that the story is a gateway to complete delinquency.

"This book is [sic] a great reading material for parents with destructive and criminally-inclined children, because it teaches that no matter what a child grows into it is stil "OK""- Teapot Tales, Amazon.com

            The idea behind My Princess Boy is acceptance of other people as individuals, as unique, in their gender non-conformity or other differences. When I looked for a gender neutral or non-gender conforming toy, I was hard pressed to find anything. Every time I thought I found something, I would realize it was a “boy toy” covered in pink, because girls can only play on pink drum sets and pink guitars. I thought I’d finally found some in the lifestyle toys… then I looked at pictures.

You know it's a boy because he's got a blue shirt. Also, he's driving. 

First I spotted a “Mighty Wheelz” car, which was placed in the 3-7 age category. Then I remembered I was looking for a “girl” toy that was made “boy” friendly. I kept looking through cars. 

She's got her "Passenger's side pink!" shirt on. Ken's got super powers, so he can still drive the car even though it's pink. Must be in the blue shirt. Way to take one for the team, Ken!

I spotted the Barbie and Ken jeep, which depicted Ken driving Barbie’s jeep, just as the little boy is depicted driving the Mighty Wheelz jeep with a little girl riding in the passenger seat. Also, decidedly a girl's toy because of the Barbie/pink association. 

Teaching children of more than one gender to get back in the kitchen!

The next best thing I could find was a kitchen set, much more advanced looking that the one I played with as a child. Kitchen’s are stereotypically girls toys, though in the picture we see both a boy and girl playing with the toy. The little girl is talking on the phone, and the little boy is pretending to cook. While the toy might be showcasing it’s many activities in showing a little boy and little girl playing with different parts, I think it’s telling that the little boy is doing the “work” and the little girl is “socializing” on the phone. Even in gender neutral toys, gender roles are still alive and well. 

Credits:

Books- Amazon.com

Toy photos - ToysRUs.com

Jillian Jiggs

Privileges

            In thinking about privilege over the last two days, I have been able to identify numerous ways I receive privilege in U.S. Society.

1.             As an able bodied person, I never have to worry about being able to access anything. When I went to lunch a few weeks ago with a friend who uses a walker, it became clear that the restaurant was not completely accessible easily for anyone who isn’t able bodied. The seating was on a step-up style platform; there wasn’t a convenient place for her walker. I can easily maneuver through crowded supermarkets and clothing racks, not worried about getting caught on anything. There is always space for me to sit easily in a classroom, and no one condescendingly offers me assistance on a regular basis. I don’t have to wonder if someone rewarded my hard work because I am “overcoming” something, I can feel confident my hard work as an able bodied person is attributed to me. No one will accuse me of getting ahead because of a disability either, regardless of whether or not it’s true. I am considered capable as a person, ahead of someone who is considered disabled.

2            As a cisgendered woman, I can go to a clothing store and be directed to the appropriate fitting room without issue. I can browse through women’s underwear and women’s clothing without concern or embarrassment, and without anyone staring at me or whispering behind my back. I can purchase make-up, hair products, anything considered feminine, and no one will question my intentions or consider me a pervert, or as doing anything outside of ordinary. I do not have to worry about passing, or even worry about the concept of passing. I know where to go to the bathroom and it is unlikely anyone will question my presence or harass me. I can feel secure in my gender because no one is constantly questioning me, or bullying me based on my appearance. I get to look in the mirror and see a reflection that seems correct and familiar.

3.             As a white person, I can go into a store, fairly certain that if someone is being watched or followed, it’s not me. If I get pulled over by a police officer, I will not have my citizenship questioned; and if I am issued a ticket, it will not be attributed to my race. My voice is more likely to be heard than a person of color’s voice, even if we are speaking about an issue that concerns people of color, and not the voices of white people. When I say I am an American, no one will say to me, “African-American, Mexican-American, Asian American.” It will be accepted that I am an American because I am white. No one will say I got my job just because of my race and affirmative action.  Currently, I subscribe to a cosmetics sample site. In the 3-4 months I’ve been subscribing, I’ve gotten several skin care/foundation samples. All have been for fair to medium complexions, though I have never been asked what color my skin is. I can google search for snarky images, and be sure that most of the results will feature people who represent my group.



ECard