Woman. White. Middle Class. Queer.

Lets play spot the girl child! 

I don’t really remember being aware of being different from my brothers until I started school. Up until that point, we played with the same toys, my brother and I wore the same matching skirt and pant outfits, to ensure everyone else we were twins and I was the girl one, and he was the boy one. Gender was the first marker I had after my own name and “twin”. Everyone always told me how awful it must be for me, having only brothers, being the lone girl in a pack of hellions. They didn’t realize I didn’t conform to my gender expectations, and ruled my brothers’ lives with a lot of rough housing and carefully plotted schemes. I don’t think my parents fully understood the downside of having a child with a wild imagination until it was years too late to “forget” me at Ross.

1995, or the year I convinced Andrew this guy was living in the bathroom. Oops.

In Candace West and Don H. Zimmermann’s “Doing Gender” delves into the world of gender norms and how they align with sex, and sex category (the way one asserts a display of masculine or feminine. “Sex categories suppose sex, but are not necessarily determined by it.” I was born biologically female, and at an early age there are photos where I’m dressed up in frilly pastel dresses. My father still reminisces about the bow they used to Velcro to my head so they could tell my brother and I apart. By the time I could dress myself, I was completely over dresses; they were impractical, allowed cold air in, and I hated tights with a passion. It’s hard to pilot the Millennium Falcon in a Daisy Kingdom dress. School changed everything.

The most violent picture of a little girl I could find. Really.

When I was 4, my brother and I were in the same preschool. I was the dominant twin, a common theme in having twins; one is always the dominant, bossy, and protective one. My parents feared he’d never fend for himself, if I was always taking care of him. There was a boy, the resident bully in school, Keith, who made fun of my brother for playing with me, because I was a girl. He thought it said something about my brother for lowering himself to play with me. I didn’t understand why this was bad. All I understood was that Keith terrorized my brother, and thought I was beneath him. I did what any rational, angry four year old would, and punched Keith in the face. A recent study in the Department of Psychology at the University of California found that while there are many studies done on “conduct problems” with children, most studies fixate on little boys, so relatively little is known about girls in comparison. “Compared to boys, who exhibit higher rates of overt conduct problems (e.g., physical aggression and bullying), girls are more prone to relational aggression and covert conduct problems (e.g., spreading rumors, lying) which may differ in antecedents, correlates, and outcomes… Longitudinal studies suggest that significant sex differences in the rate and severity of conduct problems emerge around age 4, when conduct problems in girls decline wheras conduct problems in boys increase or show little change.” Time and time again, girls are encouraged from a young age to internalize issues, while violence is encouraged in young boys, but often it is attributed to a difference in sex instead of the way we are socialized as children. My parents chose to combat my unladylike conduct with more girly clothing, and babydolls, leaving me to bitterly covet denim jeans and a Micromachines City Bus.

It opens up to be a WHOLE CITY and it should have been mine!

Paige Schilt’s Stilettos, Sissy Boys, and the Limits of Gender Neutral Parenting, Schilt states that to allow real gender exploration, there needs to be more done than just allowing children to play with “opposite gender” toys. Surrounding children with people who stimulate their minds, and engage them in questions and conversations teaches them about the many, many options they have to explore. “If we provide the tools, young children are quite capable of sussing out inequalities and analyzing gendered messages,” writes Schilt. The problem lies within our institutions reinforcing differences as norms, determined by whatever genitals it can be safely assumed exist in our pants. As girls are punished for scuffles, and boys are told not to cry over hurt feelings, there is a constant barrage of information about faillling into gender codes, to avoid humiliation and bullying. Around the time I entered the school system, my mother felt it best we learn about prejudice and class as well. 

Overt racism I understood, but covert didn't come til years later.

I didn’t learn what racism was for a few years within the school system. As a spindly white girl in a white community myself, I hadn’t ever been aware of racial differences. Few people I knew had varying skin colors, and my biggest grasp of this was switching out crayons for the different portraits I skillfully crafted. My mother was always a reader, and sat us down one day to teach us another sneaky lesson using the written word, about a little girl named Ruby Bridges. That was the first time I knew anyone could be mean over another person’s skin color. I thought prejudice was something in storybooks, that we’d already overcome, and in whatever part of Vancouver where black people lived, I hoped no one was mean to them there. I didn’t realize how privileged and sheltered things were until I was in fourth grade, and I heard my friends talking about black people like they were unicorns, wishing they could grow up and be black too, because everyone they saw who was black could sing, dance, play basketball, and was probably on TV, too.

Evidently the suburbians I knew were not alone.

 “On average, children watch 3-5 hours of television per day. Therefore, television has often been referred to as a “window on the world”… While older children and adults are more skeptical about the media content, young children are likely to view media content as a glimpse of reality, and thus they are more likely to be influenced by it.” (Vittrup, 2011).

It’s not so unbelievable to think I might have developed how I saw people of color as different. I didn’t consciously realize until recently that I latched on to children of color at my mother’s church, thinking already they were infinitely cooler than I could ever hope to be. I learned to be white by following the plethora of examples set before me, on the 73% of television on air, in my home and family, and within the school and church institutions I spent most of my formative years in. When I was teased for having almond, “asian” eyes (or “chink eyes” as someone so lovingly bestowed upon me), my mother spent years telling me if I just wore silver or gray eyeshadow that they would appear bigger and rounder. I know how to be white because not being white has been marketed to me as something to avoid, or something to play up to look more “exotic” when I was modeling. It’s never enough to just be, if you don’t fall into an obvious category. 

Nostalgia at its most honest. 

Christianity and my mother taught me about class. My father and mother were in their forties when they were raising myself and the misfit group of children that constantly inhabited our house. There are very few consecutive years where I don’t remember having some kind of babysitting/parents-on-drugs/parent-sick sibling in my midst. My father was starting his own business as an optometrist, and my mother’s shopping habits meant a lot of coupon clipping and off-brand products, but until I was a teenager I never knew what it was like to worry about food or shelter. My grandmother helped my parents put us through a Christian school with children on $80/week allowances, while I picked weeds in my parents’ back yard for a penny per weed. I thought my $13.00 was going to buy me a Barbie, or possibly a Mach 1 Mustang.  My mother sent me to school with extra school supplies we had picked out for the little boy who came to school in the same holy t-shirt several days a week. I spent my sixth grade year raising money for girls in brothels. But I never learned about what any of that meant. I knew I didn’t wear designer brands so I wasn’t rich, but my clothes were clean, so I wasn’t poor. My mother grew up with cardboard in her shoes, and raised me to be so overly caring for everyone else that I ignored warning signs on dangerous people who appeared to “just be poor and misunderstood.” Christianity taught me that we are all equal, but along the same lines as Animal Farm, some are more equal than other. Money ultimately became the difference between suspension and a stern talking to with new scoreboards in the gym. Money broke up the class system in 5^th grade, with girls and boys who never wore the same article of clothing twice leading the system.

And more inclined to clothesline you in the throat, FYI.

I learned to be a woman through the class system, taking care of everyone ahead of myself. I had crippling social anxiety as a result, and still cringe myself to sleep at night over interactions that don’t result in me “doing enough” for other people. Class is something that seems to be learned in tandem with gender. Girls who dominated everyone in school had the wealthiest parents, and were listened to over boys who came from average income backgrounds, in my experience. Privilege falls onto a scale for master status, almost creating a point system to put everyone in their respective groups in relation to the straight, able bodied, middle to upper class, cis, white male. In a study, Adolescent Health and Harassment Based on Discriminatory Bias, Brian W. Koenig et. al. analyze a study that combines factors such as race/ethnicity, sexual orientation, religion, and disabilities, as opposed to “general harassment.” The study matched the findings of the CDC, that those were bullied with a bias against who they are  were more likely to be depressed, more likely to be victims of past violence, and were twice as likely to have contemplated or attempted to commit suicide (Koenig, 2012).

Who cares?!

In conclusion, I’ve learned more about gender, race, sexuality, and class in the last five weeks than what I’d imagined I would. Even writing this paper, I’ve learned more about myself than I thought I could. The critical knowledge of how to identify and “take pleasure in gender” as Paige Schilt wrote, while still keeping the spectrum of gender open is invaluable, and a constant learning process. I learned to be a woman through the constant policing, I learned to be white through constant policing, and I learned class under the guise of caring for others. I learned sexuality through years of repression. Years of being told it was a disease to not be straight, that it was something you catch from z100, from other queer people, it wasn’t something I could have been born with. Heather Matarazzo’s As We Are mirrors my own experience with coming to terms with my sexuality. It took meeting one queer, sex-positive person to know that all the propaganda I’d heard couldn’t be true. Being 15 years old and realizing that crush on Princess Jasmine I was still slightly harboring wasn’t the end of my life was a huge realization that took years to process. As I’ve been in a closet, very out of a closet, and in between, I’ve learned to shut the closet, walk out of the room, and just be. It’s tempting sometimes to go back and hide; it’s easier to take the path of least resistance. Family doesn’t pressure you to come out as gay on a regular basis, and if my sexuality is already a topic of conversation men feel entitled to, it’s more so as a queer woman.  But the path of least resistance would have me in a closet with blinders on, and I’m looking for more than a glimpse of the world around us.  I’m not four anymore, and it’s going to take more than a well-placed punch to the face to be the change I want to see. 

Or not? 

Citations:

Brian W. Koenig, et al. "Adolescent Health And Harassment Based On Discriminatory Bias."American Journal Of Public Health 102.3 (2012): 493-495. Academic Search Complete. Web.

Brigitte Vittrup, et. al., “Exploring the Impact of Educational Television and Parent–Child Discussions on Children's Racial Attitudes.” Analyses of Social Issues and Public Policy Vol. 11. (2011): 82-104.  Blackwell Publishing Inc.

Matarazzo, Heather. "As We Are." The HuffPost Gay Voices. The Huffington Post, 2011. Web.

Schilt, Paige. "Stilettos, Sissy Boys and the Limits of ‘Gender Neutral’ Parenting." Queer Rock Love. Wordpress, 2012. Web.

Tung, Irene, James J. Li, and Steve S. Lee. "Child Sex Moderates The Association Between Negative Parenting And Childhood Conduct Problems." Aggressive Behavior 38.3 (2012): 239-251. Academic Search Complete. Web.

West, Candace, and Don H. Zimmerman. “Doing Gender.” Gender and Society (1987): 125-151. Print. 

A fulfilling career without a wage gap!

Credits:

Family photo, 1997

Joker

Flowers

MicroMachines (Now sells for 250.00-300.00 on ebay. Heartbreak all over again.) 

Ruby Bridges Artwork

White people dancing

Bluntcard

Someecards

Someecards 2

Feminist Fairy Godmother

Kristin Wig SNL

Gendered Violence

The House of Representatives passed the new GOP version of the Violence Against Women Act renewal last month, which was met with democratic opposition. The democratic House members denounced the bill as lacking in inclusive language for protection and provision of services for victims of domestic violence, to include queer and trans* identified individuals. The democratic demand is that all victims, regardless of gender or sexual identity deserve assistance in cases of domestic violence, and that the language in the House bill is not inclusive, and needs a broader definition to include marginalized communities.

            In order to create a safe space for LGBT, women of color, and other minority and marginalized groups, bills need to be carefully worded to be inclusive. As we saw in the CDC report on the risks faced by minority sexual identity groups, there is a higher risk, and many minority groups hold a fear of reporting, even higher than that of the dominant groups (where it is already difficult to get people to report. If there is an inclusion in policy, it would send a message that the needs of marginalized groups also matter, and might encourage reporting.

            Societal norms need to change as well. Our culture needs to stop portraying women in damsel in distress, and other sexualized violence. As we saw in Tough Guise, the ideal of only showing men in a dominant culture perpetuates their need to raise the bar. We see in films rewards for engaging in violent activities usually involve a sex scene or the degradation of a woman. Films in any genre, from horror to action to “chick flicks”, violence in men is seen as masculine and attractive, and is rewarded by female submission and attention. We need to stop perpetuating and reflecting this stereotype, and stop teaching our children from the time that they are young that these are their gender roles: to attack and protect, and to be the object of desire and protected. 

With the help of these products, you can be photoshopped sex goddess!

How many men on their board of directors?

Several years ago, I used to read Cosmopolitan magazine. Every month, I'd buy it, read it on my lunchbreak, and inevitably end up purchasing more things I didn't need, and another magazine because a good portion of Cosmo is just advertising. I don't know why I did it. At the time I had unfortunately just tried dyeing my hair black, among other terrible beauty decisions (FYI Nair burns when left on too long. A lot.). I guess after that poor judgement call I felt I needed some guidance. Also, having been in a Christian school up til high school, my knowledge of sex was "don't do it." 

When you need to make a profit, just add self doubt!

         What better place to see what the rules are for a modern man and woman than Cosmo?

Eek! A period!

            “First Period HORROR Stories” was the first headline I caught. “We’re traumatized just reading them!” The pretty blond white woman stares nervously to the side. As was explained in The Codes of Gender, women are seldom portrayed as strong and confident in photography. Here she is accompanied by the expected masculine humor, which is funny because menstruation is a quality that is decidedly feminine and womanly, and should be accompanied by shame. Women are supposed to read these articles and be glad they were never so embarrassed by a bodily function. That intention, even without the photography, is embarrassing.

But if I don't read it, I'll never know!

            “Why He Wants to Tie You Up: And 6 More Male Fantasies Decoded” is another article being peddled this month as a young black and woman appear in a situation where she is posed in a submissive position beneath his advancing movements. Women are never to be placed in positions that are in power, and the article designed for a “women’s magazine” creates an insecurity that women need to purchase these magazines to get the information on men, because men are so different from women. The reality is that magazines like Cosmo and the advertisements they feature are not designed to cater to women, but to enforce the gender norm that women need to cater to men and male expectations of women. Cosmo emphasizes a divide in the sexes by advertising that women cannot please men without following their guides and advertisements, and assumes that women should be desiring to please a man at all!

Credits:

Overanalyzing

Someecards
Cosmo Screenshots of ads from their website

Bromigo, Brochacho, Bromosexual

It's a bingo sheet of stereotypes, tokens, and tropes!

TV Tropes have ruined my life. Learning about gender, race, sexuality, and deviance has ruined the television, advertising, and movie world for me forever. I can’t watch anything without a Bechdel test, and a weird shadow passes over my husband’s face every time he picks up on privilege. I’m slowly ruining TV for him, too. Tropes are the step beyond a stereotype, the familiar personality traits and types that flesh out characters into believable people. We expect a certain kind of behavior from certain kinds of characters, though that’s not something we tend to consciously realize. It’s the way we see a male character and a female character in the same situations, potentially with the same reaction, but the response is gendered. It’s not that it is always offensive, or always right or wrong, it’s just one more way we categorize people and find the ways in which we relate to one another. For my gendered trope, I chose to check out what some might refer to as: “The Bro Code”.

I myself not being a bro, am of course fascinated by the "mysteries" of the bro code, all harkening back to the original first commandment, ie: “Bros before Hoes.” I appreciated Amy Poehler’s comeback of “Uteruses before Dude-eruses,” but it doesn’t quite have the same flow. Still, if you look at the rules for bros and masculinity, you already see the heteronormativity. Men are bros and pimps, and women are hoes and bitches, which you know if you’ve read “Misogyny in Rap Music: A Content Analysis of Prevalence and Meaning” or if you’ve ever listened to one of the roughly 22% of rap and hip hop songs containing misogynistic lyrics. Men put down women to gain approval from their peers, and attempt to fall into the highest spot in the social orders we place ourselves in. Bros before hoes manages to convey this message using only three words.

Also, you've got to say "no homo", because having feelings it totally gay. 

The Bro Code is a simple formula, a real man puts his friends over his woman, and that code transcends racial lines, though not sexuality. One might think that homosexual men would be exalted for following The Bro Code a step beyond what the straight men are doing, but that’s where the “No homo” part of the code comes in. Ironically, Neil Patrick Harris, an openly gay man, in his role as the womanizing Barney Stinson, coined “The Bro Code” on How I Met Your Mother. His character is typically dismissed by the show’s protagonist, Ted, as he searches for a woman to “complete” his dream, ignoring the code and the usual "caliber" of women Barney targets. Watching the Barney Stinson character, a good looking, high power, blonde-haired-blue-eyed, straight, white man in an expensive suit, constantly assuring his friends of his sexual prowess, we aren’t surprised when we find out he has issues with his mother. No one is surprised when he gets his karma. It makes sense to us that he had his heart broken by a woman, who left him for another man she deemed to be more powerful. It adds depth to his character beyond a bro, making him relatable, and even at some times likeable for the audience. 

Websters would define their relationship as a "bromance"

In the last year, Community has been a popular, yet under-watched program revolving around an eclectic, unlikely group of adult friends in a community college setting. Two characters, Abed and Troy, have what is referred to as a “weird little relationship”. We watch in one episode as Troy dumps a woman for calling Abed weird, sticking to the code, but because of the close friendship these two heterosexual men have, they are teased. In order to make sure the characters are not seen as gay, we also see the character, Troy, lying to a woman about having been molested as a child in order to get a date with a woman. “Misogyny in Rap Music: A Content Analysis of Prevalence and Meaning” points to the ideal that we have gone beyond demanding that a man be sexual with a woman to secure his place as a man; he must also trick and ultimately humiliate her in his conquest, to ensure she is not empowered by her sexuality and experiences. 

I'm not sayin' he's a gold digger, bro...

Kanye West is my guilty pleasure as a public figure. I love his twitter. His arrogance and vanity have almost surpassed that of Sean “Diddy” Combs, and that was a feat I’d once thought impossible. Dreams do come true! However, listening to his lyrics and watching his videos, it’s not hard to see he’s following the bro code, too. He won't call a woman a gold digger, he's just going to make a video of sexy women dancing around him as he describes all the reasons everyone else is saying she's a gold digger. “Fuck bitches, get money” is Lil Wayne’s NIV version of the original rule. It’s pathetic; there's already such a small number of role models in the media for the black community, white bro marketers have streamline role models for black youth into misogynists with AmEx black cards. When asked about why there aren’t more positive lyrics, artists of all genres have uniformly responded that labels aren’t looking for empowerment and equality, they’re following the “fuck bitches, get money” model too. The reason Uteruses before Dude-eruses really doesn’t work is that in the rare instances women are in power, they are always battling the bro code, and until the power is equalized and our society re-vamped, that won’t change. In the hit movie Crash, Ludacris’s character Anthony makes an ironic statement (ironic because Ludacris is a grammy-winning rapper, known for flowery, poetic songs like “Move, Bitch”) calling hip-hop music “the music of the oppressor” in a conversation with a fellow car-jacker.

            “See, back in the day we had smart, articulate black men. Like Huey Newton, Bobby Seale, Eldridge Cleaver, Fred Hampton... These brothers were speaking out, and people were listening! Then the FBI said, “No, we can’t have that. Let’s give the niggers this music by a bunch of mumbling idiots, and sooner or later, they’ll all copy it, and nobody will be able to understand a fucking word they say.”" (Crash, 2004).

            Couldn’t we apply that same logic to the misogyny of lyrics across the board?

Remember this gem of equality?

Featuring timeless classics like: A Lapdance is So Much Better When the Stripper is Crying. I wish I were kidding.

           It’s racist and unfair to claim that hip hop culture is the only culture perpetuating misogyny and violence through music and film, even if the lyrics show a higher rate of misogynistic language; when straight white bros hold the majority of the power in the consumer market, shouldn’t we be holding them responsible for the way tv and music perpetuate their code, before we rush to blame the systematically opressed?

Come at me, bro!

Credits:
Glee

The Bro Code- How I met your mother

Bluntcard

Kanye
James Van Der Memes
Country Girl
Bloodhound
Abed and Troy
Bro Tip 1441

         

Bros accepting gay bros, or as I like to call them: Bros

Stephan Colbert... Sexiest woman alive... in my heart

The #69 Sexiest Honorary Woman Alive

Speaking of men breaking into female dominated fields, the Maxim Hot 100 list, supposedly the 100 hottest women in entertainment, Stephan Colbert and his write in campaign graced the chart the year. You can read about it here.

A Diva is A Female Version Of A Hustler... and she's probably paid less, too.

Miranda Priestly would not be amused.

Rachel Maddow is one of my favorite people on the newsworld, and seeing her drop some knowledge and "punch a sexist in the face with her brain" makes me happy. It also makes me angry to know she likely makes less than the sexist she's punching in the face with her brain. For example, editors work in the news, which can be categorized with entertainment and television.  Female editors make 17% less than male editors. It's pretty safe to assume that if the few fields where women make more than men are in the postal service and special education, that Rachel Maddow and other women in newscasting still make less than the men who vastly outnumber them within media conglomerates and news casting. As we saw in Miss Representation, there are fewer than 2 women on each board of directors for the main conglomerates like Disney and ABC's parent company Viacom. We have 22 ESPN networks for every 1 Lifetime Channel, and how insulting is it that Lifetime is the definition of television for women across the board?

My two favorite teachers in high school were different in more ways than one being male and one being female. What I learned from my female english teacher has lasted longer in my memory, but according the the interactive New York Times post, female high school teachers make 10% less than male ones. Normally, we see women dominating the education field for elementary school, but men are fast tracked by other men higher in the system, who think it's "nice" to have a male teacher in a female dominated field, according to Christine L. Williams' The Glass Elevator: Hidden Advantages for Men in the "female" professions, men promote other men from within. Male privilege is extended deep within our employment institutions.

To be fair, Sue probably makes more than Will, but Sue doesn't try to rap, or haunt my soul with Journey covers.

Performing surgery or examining symptoms, doctors spend massive amounts of money on school, and in turn make a great deal of money, as the stereotype goes. However, women make 40% less than men in the medical field. Not because women aren't as qualified as surgeons and doctors. Based on the readings and class discussions, men are fast tracked time and time again over women, by other men in power. Female dominated professions include nursing, librarian, and school teachers.

Making 40% more to save your life!

Fashion designers make 22% less as women designing women's clothing than men do, at designing women's clothing. A male nurse tends to make more than a female nurse, in a female dominated industry. The underlying preferential treatment for men over women in our workforce is appalling; even in the industries our societies herds women into, they are still paid less than the men who enter these fields. As a postal worker, I would speculate based on our readings and discussions that women in that field only make 4% more than men because women, especially young women, tend to have a higher rate of employment in lower paying jobs, while men move on to different, higher paying positions. It's disturbing to see the amount of covert discrimination that still dwells within our institutions.

Credits:
Rachel Maddow is my hero
The Devil Wears Prada: Miranda Priestly, based on Anna Wintour
Glee Will and Sue (did you know there's a fandom for them having a romantic relationship? me neither)
Scrubs EAGLE
Wage Gape
The Richer Sex: A follow up article to the NY times

Is there a cover?

            Going to a gay bar is like going to another country, compared with going to a straight bar. In checking out heteronormative systems, I’ve decided to look at the clubs of Portland to see what kinds of differences exist, and how they relate to heteronormative culture. In my 20's, all my friends are supposed to like to drink, so there's no shortage of bar experiences tinged with heteronormativity to sift through. 

Heterocommon?

            Walking into the club with straight Josh is different than walking into the bar with an openly queer friend. When Josh and I go to the club (read: almost never) he automatically gets money off of HIS cover charge. I don’t get a cover charge either way. The bouncer assured me it’s because they like to fill the club with “girls” and “men” will come pay to try to score with the ladies. Josh gets money off because he brought me there… even though they didn’t see who drove (him) or got directions (me) or who accidentally swiped the debit card twice and paid for double parking, again. He brought me there because HE brought me there. Heterosexuality at it’s classiest. My male friend Chris, who  clarified he does not date women, asked if he still had to pay a cover. He did.

You can talk about this one.

Stumbling into the nearest gay bar with Aaron is a totally different experience. 

            No one charges us to go into the gay bar, not even because we could pass as a hetero couple. I like to think it’s because this bar is just infinitely cooler. In the queer community, no one could charge the “opposite” sex or only half of the “standard” relationship, because there is no “opposite” or “standard”. The queer community has enough options that it’s either charge everyone, or charge no one. We like the “charge no one” part of it, and commence the evening. It’s interesting to go somewhere where heterosexual norms don’t apply, and it becomes more and more obvious where the differences are. There's no assumption anyone is there looking for any one type of person. Liberation!

It's a slippery slope to unfortunate photographic evidence.

            Going to the ladies room in a straight bar is a fool’s game. Inevitably, there’s a drunk woman throwing up, with five of her closest drunk friends, and they’re all in front of the sinks, stalls, and mirrors plotting which bar to go to next. Every time I go into a straight bar women’s room, I make a new friend and get invited to the next crawl. This isn’t because I’m that cool, it’s because I am trapped in the bathroom waiting so long that I’m forced to assimilate. By the time I get out of the bathroom, my friends have typically migrated from wherever I am confident I have left them. I can't imagine how much more of a pain in the ass this could be if I didn't have able-bodied privilege. 

            Going to the ladies room in a gay bar is everything going to the men’s room of a straight bar is. It’s quick, easy, and there’s not always an out the door line. If anything, the men’s room in the gay bar is more crowded, probably because there are more men on location than for any other reason. I think gender-neutral bathrooms would benefit us all in both bars, and I could continue to use my system of going to whichever one doesn’t have a line. There isn't a fear of assault in the gender neutral bathroom of a gay bar the way there seems to be in every heteronormative structure in the area. 

There are lots of bodies, and they all want to spend as little time in a sticky bathroom as possible. 

       Walking back to my car, alone, forces me to check out my own heteronormative assumptions. On the street where all the gay bars are concentrated, I'm not worried about who I walk next to. The next street over in China Town, I quicken my pace. I know statistically nothing will happen to me. But I still jog to my jeep. The bouncer at the bar next to my vehicle starts to hit on me as I'm trying to find my keys, and asks what bar I've just come from. When I tell him a gay bar, he turns bright red and wishes me a safe drive. Heteronormativity is everywhere, whether we realize it, or not.

Credits:

Heteronormative

GayBar
Tara Reid

Gender Neutral